Sometimes I think I should stay off of here for a while.
I’ve been really depressed lately. I’m upset all the time, sad, and I just want to cry. I feel like i’m failing at life. I’m still completely in love with my ex. & I want her back like you wouldn’t believe. I sometimes want to stop talking to people for days on end and hide. Pretend I’m okay and hope for the best. Why am I feeling like this? I hate life right now. I have no friends, my life is a total mess. I just wanna cry. How am I ever going to get threw this? I just want her back. I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?
I feel the need to rant.
I really hate that people think I have no motivation. It’s NOT true. I DO! I WANT to go to college, learn how to drive, get a job, and move out. I am sick of people hating on me because I don’t have a job or a licence. I don’t have a licence because my parent’s won’t teach me and our car has too many brake problems so my Dad doesn’t feel comfortable letting anyone else drive it. On top of that the only person who could let me use their car lives in Ohio. I live in Connecticut. See the problem? & She’s the only one I trust to teach me. It’s so damn depressing. I feel like a failure. On top of that I don’t have a job. I’m trying to keep postive and hope that on Monday when they call that I get the job. I NEED it so bad. I need out of this house, this state. I need money to move away. I don’t care if I have to eat ramen noodles to get by when I finally move out. I just wanna get out of here. I feel trapped and alone. I just want to cry and sometimes I feel worthless. I just want my life to get into order so I can go out and get the things I want. I just pray everyday that I can make it work. That everything will fall into place. I’m losing hope though. & It’s tearing me apart…
I should be sleeping but I can’t fall asleep. I miss my gf. It’s so hard to sleep without you baby :/
So, I joined OkCupid to help me find a girlfriend.
So far though, only 1 girl has messaged me. & no one i’ve messaged has messaged me back. Does that make me ugly? Does that make me a bad person? It”s hitting my self-esteem really hard… :/ Will I ever be good enough?
I’m gonna go lay down and watch The L Word. Hopefully I’ll have someone to text :) Goodnight everyone.
I’m off to sleep. Hopefully I’ll feel better in the morning. Have a goodnight everyone <3
So to spare anyone who doesn’t care about my rants i’ve added the read more break. So if you do care, read on..